The Disgust of Sin

My mom's boss, whom I've known my whole life, died this morning after battling severe cancer for close to a year. I have so many thoughts concerning this man's life, most of them bring me sadness and a bit of righteous anger. He was not a follower of Christ, therefore I know where his soul resides this very hour, and this thought is, I think, the saddest of the lot. I know God's justice and I would not presume to feel in any way as if God is in the wrong in this matter, He is the Sovereign of the universe and does what He pleases and I accept His will for this man, though it breaks my heart. Second, the cancer that he battled was some of the worst of which I've personally heard. He didn't find out about the cancer until it had already spread to his bones, which bode fatal from the beginning. He went through all the routine cancer treatments, chemotherapy, radiation, etc. with no improvement, but an actual worsening as some of the treatments were too strong for him to take. The tumors did not enlarge, but he lost 50 lbs and was sick and in the hospital regularly. Finally the inevitable happened and he contracted pneumonia last week. At first, the doctors tried to treat it with antibiotics, but with no success. That's when the doctors told his family that he had, at most, a week to live. The cancer was now 'everywhere' and he was beginning to lapse in and out of consciousness. The family moved him to a hospice and he died today, 4 days later. Third and last, I think of the death he died. When mom called me today to tell me that he had died, we talked a bit about his last few days. They sounded so horrible: lungs slowly filling with fluid, him having a harder and harder time breathing, gasping for breath, longer periods of unconsciousness, him telling his family he was dying (what would it feel like to know this inherently), not being able to recognize people as much, etc. All of these things make me think that he truly did feel the sting of death. Sure we may all die a death such as this man and I do not presume to know what death will be like, but this man was still in his sins, he had no hope and was 'without God in the world.' There was no trust for Christ in his heart and I think there must be quite a sting in a death like that.

So why do I call this post 'the disgust of sin'? Well, all these thoughts, along with a host of personal sins that I have been dealing with as of late, make me hate sin all the more. Originally, it was, in God's providence, because of the fall of Adam that these things of death, sin, pain, and disease came into the world and still survive today. Knowing a life like the life of this man I've just told you about makes me grieve that he was not a believer when he died, but it also causes anger in me toward sin and death. I only pray that my hatred for sin in this situation would fuel more hatred for my own sin and cause me to treasure Christ more than my sin. O God, I pray you would be glorified through this man's death and many people would be brought to repentance and faith in Christ through it, for your glory. Amen.